losing my balance
by DiamondsNtheskY
Summary: the story of a loner who is use to falling but is not use to falling in love. My first fic! Starts out T but will definately be M!
1. Chapter 1

I love New York

Epilogue

Emily lays in her hotel room staring at the empty coffee cup on the nightstand. That stupid fucking coffee cup with that stupid red heart on it. That stupid red heart that is mocking her because she by no means "loves New York," and frankly is tired of seeing it on key chains, t-shirts, and any little novelty item that turns tourists into walking billboards. NO, Emily Prentiss does not love New York, she fucking hates it! The only city she hates more is New Orleans, although Miami is pretty high on her shit list too.

As she contemplates using said coffee cup for target practice, it dawns on her that New York must hate her too. If it didn't she wouldn't be stuck here due to some malfunction with the BAU jet. She wouldn't be currently nursing a mild concussion because of a rookie LEO's inability to properly secure handcuffs. And she most certainly would not be sharing a room with the one person whom is the reason she hates this city in the first place. A room that only has one bed. Yeah… Fuck New York!

Emily closes her eyes hoping the visual break will dilute some of her melancholy, and after a few calming breaths it appears to be doing the trick. That is, of course, until she feels the bed dip. Her body tenses as it's bombarded with familiar warmth that spreads through her like wildfire. That fucking warmth that threatens to consume her every time a certain media liaison is near. Jennifer Jareau's signature tell tell scent of "Paris Amour" shower gel invades Emily's senses and she wonders if she will grow to hate Paris too. The brooding brunette tries to quickly devise a means of evasion from the situation. She could move to the couch… no too suspicious. She could feign sleep… yes perfect! Just keep her eyes closed and breathing even and…

"_Em?" _

SHIT! How can one syllable draw her in? One slightly drawn out, deliciously raspy syllable halts any further musings of subterfuge. JJ is a siren and Emily is the lonely sailor at sea. Seemingly against her will the dark profiler opens her eyes only to be met with the most striking blue. Those fucking blue eyes that are a peace treaty to the constant war between her heart and mind. Clearly her body has surrendered as a smile creeps across her face on its own accord.

"_Hey_…" Emily's traitorous voice reveals how much JJ leaves her breathless.

"_Hey you… How do you feel?"_

"_Better now…"_ and this time it's not her voice that betrays her, but her words. The weight of those words seems to come crashing through Emily's well-constructed compartments and tumbling out of her mouth to cut through the tension that's been between the two for months. Because ever since Miami Emily hasn't spoken truer words to the liaison. She is _actually_ better now, not just generically fine. She's the kind of better that only comes when one feel complete, and Emily only feels complete when she is with JJ.

"_Good!"_

Tears threaten to spill from blue eyes as JJ's next words come out in a strangled sob.

"_God Em, you really scared me."_

And it's those words that convince Emily that Agent Jareau must moonlight on a demolition crew. With six little words JJ breaks down the last reserve Emily has, the final wall she's put between them ever since she told the blonde to "go for it" with Det. LaMonfuckface. Sure they are still friends and work well together, but the comforting touches, lingering smiles, and the overall sense of shared wholeness had gone. Emily had thought that taking a backseat in JJs life would be the right thing to do. In this moment it's clear she was wrong.

Emily reaches up to dry a tear that trails the blonde's cheek. She was just about to assure JJ that she was right here and fine, and that JJ need not be afraid, but is cut off before she can open her mouth.

"_What is it with New York? It's bad enough that the last time we were here I didn't know if you had been blown to pieces or not… but Em I thought I lost you again tonight, and it made me realize that I can't do this anymore. I don't want to live my life with someone because it's the safe choice and what everyone expects. I want to be happy!"_

"_Jayje-"_

"_No! Please let me say this."_ JJ takes a steading breath and continues. _"Emily, you are what makes me happy. Even if you don't feel the same way I couldn't go another minute without at least taking the chance and telling you how I feel. I need you to know that I want you Emily, I want to be with you… I need you."_

Emily is sure that she must be suffering more that mild concussion. She must still be back in that alley knocked out cold; because there is NO WAY that Jennifer fucking Jareau is saying that she wants _her_! While the profiler's mind struggles to process the information overload, her mouth and voice decide not to wait for her brain to catch up

"_I need you too Jennifer… and God knows I want you. I've always wanted you."_

Releasing a breath she didn't know she was holding, JJ smiles, bringing her lips to Emily's in a chaste yet earth shattering kiss. The kiss was warm and slow and perfect, filled with promise of things to come. As the two deepen the kiss, bodies molding together seamlessly, Emily is left with three thoughts. 1) JJ has the softest lips, the fucking softest lips! 2) She could never hate Paris and should take JJ there someday and 3) She loves New York!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 1 Swim Good

**A/N Okay I'm so stoked that people are taking interest in my little story! I've been a big fan of the Jemily community and its writers for quite a while and I feel like a freshman trying to impress the seniors. Two things I would like to address before getting on with the story. First, the opening part was a prologue not an epi. Newbie mistake I didn't even notice until after I uploaded. Please forgive me. And secondly I forgot to do one of these…**

**Disclaimer- I own a lot of stuffed animals, more than any 26 year old should. But I do not own any characters in this fic. They belong to CBS! So please don't sue me. You'd get nothing but sock monkeys anyways!**

Swim good

_Pools of blue into I'm drowning, sinking disappearing, screaming, crying, dying, trying to be anything but realizing I'm nothing, numb. Numb and nothing at all except everything everyone else wants me to be. But I just want to be what you see, to be drowned sunk and disappeared to the bottom of your pools._

_Feb 3__rd__ E. Prentiss_

It's a little after twelve noon when the jet is taking off to finally to return the team to Quantico. Morgan's explaining to Reid his definition of the best way to spend the one remaining day left of his weekend… GIRLS! Reid counters with his plan which is to re-read _The Hobbit_ and _The Lord of the Rings_ trilogy since he will only have enough time for some "light reading." Rossi and Hotch are discussing, and apparently more than slightly disagreeing on God knows what, as JJ is grabbing a healthy afternoon snack of Cheetos and coffee. Emily closes her journal and takes to gazing out of the window into the sea of clouds and sky. Her thoughts are lured into last night's events.

_**Flashback**_

_**JJ pulls back breathless and flushed from what was probably the hundredth kiss of the night. She gently brings her forehead forward to touch Emily's as she lets out a content sigh. "We have so much to talk about and workout when we get home" Emily tucks a stray blonde lock behind JJs ear, never breaking eye contact as she responds with a barely audible "I know. " the two spend the rest of the night stealing kisses and long gazes, completely content in relishing the serenity of this moment. They both know that tomorrow will bring all the outside elements into play. So for now they blissfully remain in their own bubble. Just Emily and JJ learning the feel of each other's lips, the taste of each other's kiss. Emily's tongue mapping the contours of the blonde's mouth. JJ mentally recording the gasps and whimpers coming from the brunette when she feathers her lips down the elegant column of the profilers' neck…**_

"Penny for your thoughts?" Emily is brought out of her thoughts by the very blonde that occupied them. Brown eyes look over to lock with what Emily has come to refer to as deep pools of the most beautiful blue.

"Just thinking about last night…" a smile and slight blush creeps across both faces. "And about what happens when we get home."

This morning had been spent much like last night. The two women laughed, kissed, shared breakfast, kissed, packed, and kissed. Essentially ignoring the fact that they had many issues to face once on the other side of their hotels bedroom door. They had spent the night and the morning choosing to not worry about the impending reality of dealing with the team and Strauss. That JJ would have to deal with Will and Emily with a couple of "friends with benefits" she'd come to acquire. Then there's the huge issue of their "relationship" itself. Are they even in a relationship? They haven't even been on a date yet, let alone discuss what this thing is that's between them. Reality fucking sucks!

"Well..." JJ starts with a shaky breath "I know we didn't really dive into details last night but I meant what I said." She takes a discreet look around the jet to ensure the conversation is still off the others' radar, "I want to be with you and will do whatever it takes. It might not be easy at first, or at all, but I'm willing to face whatever is to come… as long as you are."

Emily gives her a cheeky grin as she pretends to think about her answer, "ummm… I guess I might be willing to give it a shot!" They both lightly laugh at the relief of at least being on the same page in wanting to go for it. "So, what's our next step?"

JJ leans in a little closer and lowers her voice to an undeniably sexy low timbre of a whisper "The next step is getting off this plane and to some place that I can kiss those irresistible lips of yours. I miss the way you taste and this flight is taking way too long " JJ sits back with a decidedly smug grin, delighting in the fact that she put the blush in the profilers' cheeks. Emily, with her fluent knowledge of six languages, off handed and sarcastically witty personality, and downright flirty swagger is now feverously blushing. And she is more than a little taken back at her own loss of cool and words at the hands of the media liaison. Emily sits back again turning her gaze to the blue sky that can't compare to the pools of blue in JJs eyes. She wonders what the fuck she is getting herself into with Jennifer Jareau!

**A/N one and done! I hope this is going somewhere you guys wanna follow! ****Please R&R****… your feedback helps me learn! I totally need a beta if anyone is interested! Oh yeah the beginning of the chapters are Prentiss's journal entries… she doesn't write in it like a diary but instead makes little poems out of her feelings. The chapter titles are based off those entries. **


	3. Dali

Chapter 2 Dali

Dali

_Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Time trips my mind like Salvador's clock. Seconds bend into minutes. Minutes melt into hours, and still I wait, until the day sours._

_Feb 4__th__ E. Prentiss_

Emily realizes that perhaps she isn't as patient as she thought. She's not normally like this… she doesn't think. She doesn't watch the clock like it's a bomb counting down the seconds until impending doom. She doesn't pace her condo aimlessly, or reorganize her dvd collection from alphabetical order, to genre, to genres in alphabetical order. And Emily Prentiss certainly does not stare at her cellphone trying to will some girl to call! Girls wait for _her_ to call! But this wasn't some girl, this was Jennifer Jareau, and Jennifer Jareau has a way of making Emily come completely undone!

_**Flashback**_

_**The team arrives at Quantico and is instructed to finish up their reports and to go home. Morgan, who is desperate to salvage the rest of his Saturday, suggests the team heads to the bar. "What do you think Princess? Early dinner, a cocktail or two… even Rossi's going?"**_

"_**Well if papa bear is going then I'm in. Far be it for me to pass on a free meal!" Emily responds as she sees the older agent walking towards the bullpen.**_

"_**I thought Hotch was papa bear?" Reid chimes in, seemingly just now aware of the discussion going on around him.**_

_**Seeing that Emily and Derek can only laugh at the young profiler, it's Garcia that speaks up to explain the finer workings of the BAU nicknames. "Oh my brainy baby bear, papa bear is whoever happens to be in earshot at the moment!"**_

"_**So that would mean-"**_

"_**That I'm standing right behind you kid, and who says I'm paying? Especially since you've been calling me mama bear behind my back!" Rossi places a hand on Reid's shoulder and gives him a knowing wink, "So if Hotch and I alternate between mama and papa bear, what does that make JJ?"**_

_**Finally recovering from laughter at Reid's expense, Morgan and Prentiss give each other a wicked grin, knowing that they have given the liaison many nicknames over the years. "Head blonde in charge", "Super Jayje", and "Bond girl" are just to top off a few. But in lieu of their new family oriented aliases they have adopted a new favorite. Simultaneously they answer "The hot babysitter!"**_

"_**The hot babysitter huh? And might I ask who dubbed me that?"**_

_**Clearly Rossi had seen JJ approaching and decided a little revenge in his and Reid's honor was needed. Seeing the now stunned paled faces of Morgan and Prentiss, Garcia decides to throw her dynamic duo a bone "Ok my lovelies, we can discuss pet names when we get to the bar. My binary babies are sleeping and I'm ready to play!"**_

_**A few hours later JJ and Emily are walking into Emily's condo. They had decided to ride together since the bar was in D.C., and the blonde would just take a cab to her car in the morning. To say there was a bit of tension in the air would be an understatement. They had made out like teenagers in the car, causing them to walk in the bar ten minutes behind everyone else. Conversation had flowed easily with the team. They'd shared a few discreet but lingering glances and the almost constant brushing of thighs under the table. But the realization that the unavoidable "talk" they needed to have was now upon them, making things a lot less comfortable.**_

_**Emily takes JJs jacket and go-bag and places them in the front closet. "Have a seat Jen. Can I get you anything to drink?"**_

_**Taking a seat on the couch and waving Emily over to do the same, she steadies herself for what she's about to say. "No I'm ok thanks… I WANT US TO BE EXCULUSIVE EMILY!"**_

"_**Ok, guess you want to jump right into the big stuff!" Emily lets out a nervous laugh taking a seat next to JJ.**_

"_**Well yeah…It's just… I mean is-is that what you want?"**_

"_**YES! I mean yes… that's what I want Jen." Emily can see that JJ begins to physically relax but there is still a little fear in her eyes. **_

"_**Will's coming to town tomorrow. I thought about telling him not to come but I think we should talk in person."**_

"_**You sure you don't just want to call him?"**_

"_**Yeah. He's kind of persistent. I think it's best if I make it a face to face." JJ drops her gaze to her hands that are fidgeting nervously in her lap. **_

_**Emily scoots a little closer to JJ and takes both of her hands into her own, drawing the blondes eyes to hers. "Jen, I understand. What time does he get here?"**_

"_**His flight gets in at 9am. I figure I'd pick him up at the airport and just get it over with. Maybe me and you can meet up for lunch after?" The liaison finishes with a hopefully glint to her voice. Emily leans forward and gives Jen a quick peck on her lips, loving the fact that she can do so. "That sounds good to me." This time it's JJ that leans in for a kiss. "Does that leave you enough time to let your 'friends' know that you're off the market Agent Prentiss?" **_

_**And for the second time in a day Emily is at a loss of words at the hands of JJ. "Did you forget that Garcia tells me everything? I know all about the adventures of Ebony and Ivory!" Fucking Garcia! She can weasel anything outta Derek. What happened to the code! **_

_**Emily is brought out of her thoughts of killing Morgan and his tech-kryptonite extraordinaire by the feeling of a soft hand trailing up her arm, across her shoulder, coming to rest on the back of her neck. Pulling Emily infinitely closer, Jennifer whispers against her lips "Just be sure to let those 'friends' know that you're mine now!"**_

So now Emily sits here waiting. This morning JJ left to pick up Will. They had woken up curled around each other on the couch after a night of a little more talking and a lot more kissing. Last night had been _perfect_! Once JJ left, reluctantly, Emily tried to occupy herself until she returned. She went for a long run followed by a long shower. Cleaned her condo and checked her email. But as the morning turned into afternoon, and the afternoon into late afternoon with no word from the blonde, Emily's mind began to run rampant with various possibilities. Maybe Wills plane was delayed. Maybe he's not taking the news well; I mean he does seem like the winey bitch type. She checks her cell phone again. Nothing, not even a text! Maybe something's wrong with it… it can't be 3pm already! She looks up at the clock above her fireplace. FUCK! 3 o'clock! Maybe Jennifer has changed her mind.

Teetering between anger and fear Emily sinks down into her couch and does the only thing she can. Closing her eyes in an effort to stifle her mind and drown out the thunderous ticking of the seconds hand on that now highly despised clock… she waits, and waits.

**A/N What do you guys think… a chapter with JJ and Wills conversation, or straight to her encounter with Emily… (whenever that may me)? Please review and let me know! **


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 3 Shards of glass pt. 1

A/N Im so so sorry for the delay! I have a plethora of reasons ranging from the worst flu ever to computer issues. However, the main reason for the hiatus was my muse avoiding me like the plague. This chapter was a tough one for some reason then it began to take a life of its own, so it is a two-parter. Thanks to those who voted I hope this appeases all! So without further ado…

Shards of Glass

_Room is spinning from my sinning, how much more must I pour to flood hell. You closed the door, but still I wanted more, so through your window of pain I fell. I break the dam with one more pour, along with the waters I weep. And though I am scarred by your jagged shards, you will never know how deep._

_Feb 4__th__ E. Prentiss_

It is said that the definition of insanity is repeating the same action over and over, expecting a different outcome. By this definition, Emily is absolutely insane. She felt her sanity slipping from her somewhere between the hours of 4 and 10pm. Over and over checking the phone, over and over watching the time, over and over refilling her snifter. But the phone never rang (at least not from the person she wanted it to ring from). The time waning didn't bring the person she desired nearer. Each drink she had taken did nothing to alleviate the emotions she was desperately trying to compartmentalize. Yes, Emily felt slightly drink and completely insane, or perhaps completely drunk and slightly insane. So when she thinks she hears what sounds to be tentative knocking on her door at 10:13pm, she isn't sure if it is real or a figment of her imagination.

Draining her snifter of its remaining amber liquid and tucking her journal beneath the couch, she attempts to stealthily make her way to the door. Unfortunately the alcohol is making the stealthy part difficult. After bumping her knee into the door and giving it an entirely serious _"Shhh,"_ she manages to look through the peep hole. She conceits that she is definitely a wicked combination of drunk and insane because there is no way she's looking at Jennifer Jareau standing outside her door. Not no call no show Jareau!

"Emily?"

The apparition speaks!

"Emily, can you please open the door? Please?"

This is no phantom of a forlorn mind. JJ is really there, and Emily is at instant war with her heart and her pride. Pride loses the battle and she opens the door.

"Why Agent Jareau! How nice to see you, but I must say that you are a little late for lunch. I hope you don't mind that I went ahead without you." Emily is bit relieved that her pride hadn't surrendered, just temporarily retreated to reload its artillery with snark! JJ is only slightly taken back by the sarcastic remark. But truth be told she is expecting a lot worse.

The brunette turns and heads down the hallway, but she doesn't shut the door, so JJ takes it as an _OK_ to come in. Closing the door behind her, she heads to the kitchen where Emily has taken to pouring herself a drink. Ever the gracious host, Emily tilts the nearly empty bottle towards the blonde in offering.

"No thanks, it doesn't look like I'd be able to catch up anyways." The blonde remarks taking into account the lack of remaining contents and the profiler's more than fairly inebriated demeanor.

With a high cocked eye brow Emily's pride launches another attack! "Well pardon me, but my plans fell through for the day so I had ample time to get a head start!"

Jennifer knows that there will be no finesse to this conversation. So she dives right into what she hopes is a coherent explanation of the day's events.

"Emily I'm so so sorry. I know I should have been here. Or I should have at least called. I knew that talking to Will was gonna be rough but it wasn't what I expected. He said some things that made me think about the situation and…"

The profiler couldn't tell you what the blonde said after _'and.'_ Here it is, the moment Emily knew was coming. She could see JJs lips moving but the sound was drowned out by a pounding thud that she couldn't tell if it was coming from her head or her heart. Although she couldn't hear JJs words, she's sure they are a confirmation of what she'd been thinking all day. That the liaison had changed her mind. That she had chosen Will.

_**Flashback**_

"**Like a band aid" was JJs mantra as she anxiously waited for Will to disembark the plane. Quick and to the point, state the facts she wants, avoid the questions that she doesn't. It will be just like another press conference.**

"**Chere!"**

_**Fuck me**_** she thinks to herself as he comes towards her. "Will, h-hey." They share an awkward hug and she manages to pull back before he can go in for a kiss.**

"**Everything alright chere?"**

"**Yeah… um no. I mean. Will w-we need to talk."**

"**What is it JJ? Don't tell me you have another case, you just got back! Can't you take a day off? For me?"**

**Now wishing she had done this over the phone, the liaison runs her hands through her golden strands as she feels the tension creeping through her body. "It doesn't work that way and you know it Will! But no. No it's not a case." Pointing to the luggage on his shoulder " Do you just have the carry-on?"**

"**Yep… light packer remember!"**

"**Right. Let's grab some coffee. I um have something I need to tell you."**

**Not at all liking the blonde's anxious and standoffish behavior, the southern detective puts on his go-to charming smile as he drawls out his response. "Well alright than love, let's head on home so you can tell me whatever it is you need to. I'll get you some coffee on the way."**

**JJ internally cringes at both his use of the word home, and his placating tone. She recognizes it as the tone he adopts when he thinks he needs to turn up the charm for one reason or another. "Let's just go to the Starbucks here."**

"**Alright chere, whatever you want."**

**An uncomfortable silence has fallen between them as they retrieve their drinks and take a seat in a semi-secluded area of the coffee shop. Jennifer has taken to fidgeting with her cup as she repeats her mantra **_**'like a band aid'**_** to herself. **

"**So what's on ya mind Jennifer? It must be important if you couldn't wait for us to get outta the airport."**

"**Yeah… it is… um" taking a long steading breath, she releases slowly and takes the plunge. "Ok. Will, I think you are a great guy" **_**Cliché Jareau, real cliché**_**, she mentally berates herself. "and we've put a lot of effort into making this long distance thing work." **_**Ok so maybe you put in most the effort**_** "But what you want and what I want are completely different" **_**understatement of the year**_** "and I think its best that we end things." **_**Kill me now, I might as well threw in 'it's not you it's me' for fuck sakes! What am I, in high**__**school!**_

**Just as JJ was questioning how a FBI media liaison could showcase such a lack of eloquence with words, her thoughts are interrupted with laughter. **_**Wills laughter!**_** "Will?"**

**Leaning back in his chair, Will rubs his beard as his laughter begins to subside. "So let me get this straight, **_**Chere**_**. I just flew across the country-" **

_**Not exactly across the country**_** she can't help but think**

"**to get dumped in the middle of an airport Starbucks, not 30 minutes after my plane lands?" His voice had risen towards the end. JJ glances around and is grateful that they hadn't drawn anyone's attention.**

"**Will, I'm sorry that you came out here to this…"**

"**Oh! You're **_**sorry**_**?"**

"**Yes!" And she was sorry. She didn't want him to come here just to get dumped in an airport. She didn't **_**actually**_** want him to come at all. She had **_**actually**_** told him not to come because she didn't know when the team was gonna be finished with this last case. Apparently cases in New York are among the craziest for the BAU. But he had insisted, practically cried about it to the extent that she was dreading his arrival. God how she was dreading his arrival, and this was before the Emily thing. **

"**Will I didn't have you travel thousands of miles to breakup with you. You were coming here as it was and I thought that you deserved to have this conversation in person."**

"**Is this why you didn't want me to come in the first place?"**

"**NO! I **_**honestly**_** didn't know when the case was gonna be over when we discussed you coming or not. It's just that… the last couple of days made me realize that you and I aren't working, aren't going to work."**

**Will laughs again but it's clear that there is no humor in his voice. "Just like that? You suddenly, realized?" This time it's Will that looks around. Noticing that the conversation had gotten loud enough to peak a few interests, he changes his demeanor. Taking a deep breath, leaning forward he places his clasped hands on the table and lowers his voice to a sickeningly soft sweet tone. "Jennifer. **_**Love**_**. Im glad I came because I wanna look you in the face and tell you how ridiculous you are being."**

"_**Excuse m-"**_

**Will cuts her off, continuing as he adds a lopsided smile to his southern gentleman tone, "Chere I realize you are scared. Settling down is scary! But at some point you gotta put childish things aside and grow up JJ."**

**The blonde can feel the anger rising in her as his words become as belittling as his delivery. "I'm a grown ass woman Will make no mistake about that!"**

"**Then it's time to start acting like one!" His anger betrays him for a brief moment as he rebuttals in a harsh whisper. Composing himself he slips back into his cool façade before he continues. "JJ, we're supposed to be getting married!"**

_**OH HERE WE GO!**_** "I told you a month ago that I didn't want to get married Will! Remember when you **_**followed me**_** on my case and announced to my team that you where proposing!"**

"**And I realized that at that point you weren't ready, but I've given you plenty of time love! That's why I was so adamant to come JJ. Look, I had a long talk with your father and after that conversation I realized that you just need me to take charge. I have an appointment with a realtor tomorrow. I found us a house Jennifer!"**

"_**YOU WHAT?"**_

"**That's right chere, I wanted to surprise you!"**

"**mission accomplished"**

"**Your father and I agreed that it would be better for me to move here so that you could stay close to your parents. I mean when we start having kids it makes sense that we are close to their grandparents…"**

"**k-kids?"**

**Not noticing the bewilderment and unbridled fear that has now claimed JJ, he continues "… my parents have passed on so it makes the most sense. With me here you can't hide behind the distance anymore, or the crazy hours of your ridiculous job! It's time to get over whatever insecurities you have about being my wife!"**

**Jennifer Jareau is certain that she looks dumb right now. Unblinking, mouth opened, wide-eyed dumb! They sit for unknown seconds in silence as the blondes' brain scrambles to figure out what the fuck just happened. How the hell did this break up go from band aid to Brazilian wax bad. The one thing she does know is that it's clear that this relationship needed to end for a whole new list of reasons besides being head over heels for someone else! Finally composing herself, calmly, almost too calmly she responds.**

"**First of all, I don't know who or what gave you and my father the right to plan out my life, but it would have saved you both a lot of time if you had bothered to include me. Second, there is nothing**_** ridiculous**_** about my job detective. I'm a fucking Federal Agent! And third, I'm not hiding behind said job, or the miles between us. I'm right here telling you right now that I don't want to marry you because I don't want to be with your wife. Nor do I want to live in this whole world you and my dad created. **_**Not **_**because I'm insecure!" **_**Oh yeah, there's the communication skills I get paid for!**_

**Seething blue eyes stare into calculating hazel ones.**

"**You don't know what you want chere. You're just a little girl who plays dress up for the cameras. You're just a little girl running scared. It's what pretty little girls like you do when faced with the real world." He pauses clearly pleased that his words are clearly impacting the blonde. "Better not run too long darlin. One day those looks of yours are gonna fade, and you're gonna look back and realize that you're still runnin, but aint nobody chasin ya. Now if you excuse me, I need to see about changing my flight."**

**With no further conversation Will gets up and leaves and emotionally exhausted JJ with two cold coffees and one haunting sentence resounding in her head. **_**'You're just a little girl running scared'**_**. The bitterness in those words didn't hurt as bad as the truth in them. Jennifer Jareau was a runner and Jennifer Jareau was definitely scared. **

**After finally leaving the airport, and then finally leaving the parking garage, she drives around aimlessly for over an hour before deciding to head home. She knows she should have been at Emilys by now, but she needs time to sift through the cluster fuck in her head. The detective had said some fucked up things, but that was to be expected. She wasn't even completely surprised, though highly disturbed, by his plans to move here, knock her up and tie her down! What she didn't expect was for that one sentence to shatter her confidence in what was supposed to be next. Will had turned her happiness into doubt because he was right. She had run scared, but not from him. She had run from her East Alleghany. She had run from her parents. She had run from her feelings for Emily. She had run from herself. **

**Time ticks away as her fears put miles between her head and her heart. What would her parents say? What will the team think? What if one or both of them lose their jobs? "What could Emily Prentiss possibly see in someone like me?" She had run for so long that she didn't know if she could stop. **

**She knows that she should call. As seconds turn to minutes, minutes turn to hours; she can feel her fear overtake her. The day has long turned into night and she cannot believe so much time has passed. Will had said she was just playing dress up, well so be it, because she knew she couldn't leave it like this. In less than 10 hours she would have to face Emily at work. No matter what happens she could at least pretend to be mature about this. Though she feels every bit like the scared little girl Will had accused her of being, she put on her big girl shoes and her grown up coat, grabbed her keys and headed towards D.C. **

**A/N So I hope it didn't disappoint. Slight change in the flashback format so that instead of entirely italicized just the inner monologue and intense moments are. Next up is part 2 with Emily. PLEASE REVIEW**** Feedback is total motivation!**


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